An Internal Journey: a Diary entry

Dear “Me”

17th April 2021

12:58 AM

Today’s my birthday!

Well this sensation of completing 2 decades on this planet fills me with awe. How far have I come and how far further still I have the chance to unearth.

Although this year of working upon myself has taught me a lot about “Me” and has assisted me to come a lot closer towards the my real self.  It gave me the chance to dive deep internally and taught me where my real strength lies in (writing and definitely not speaking) and which is the field (economics) that will most probably interest me in the future too and is pursuable.

Reflecting back at the former year, it can be termed that it not only enabled me to grow as a person but also enabled me to know varieties amongst human nature; selfless, freaks, altruists (biggest example are our parents), and many more hues which are still left for yon exploration. I am happy that it was a growth enabling year as despite having a lot of anxieties, it gave me many opportunities to understand the minds around me.

I’ll describe this pandemic and the influence it had on me from the very start. In the beginning everything looked great. I still remember the happy conversation that I had with my school friends about having a break from our regular mundane lives and relaxing a bit but we never realized then that this relaxation would stretch that long. After a few days when we got to know that lockdown is going to last further, cooking or crafting something new each day and posting the same as our social media status became the new normal. But with each passing day, the level of anxiety and pressure on parents and elders in the house reached leaps and bounds. The problem of arranging for finances to run the house started tormenting everyone. Gradually the academic institutions and firms in organized sector started organizing sessions for making others aware about their psychological health and about issues like depression. Parents were specially counselled about not discussing matters like death and intensity of the danger that the virus was posing to our existence, in front of their chaps, as this might have a deteriorating impression on them.

On one hand the regular salaried ones were getting afraid about whether they would be given salary for the preceding months or not or what proportion of it would be given to them after the cut or would they even loose their existing job. further the extent of uncertainty in the mind of fresh graduates regarding getting a job knew no bounds. And on other hand the employers were tensed gauging how much expenditure they can probably cut back by giving the employees pink slips. Further as the days started passing people started adapting themselves and started figuring out how to keep oneself motivated to keep following their daily timely routines and work from home schedules. Although this was a tough task initially but as the lockdown kept extending this was something that everyone started adjusting with a pinch of salt.

Meanwhile, (during November 2020) there was a time when the media halted reporting cases, this made the people callus and encouraged them to underestimate the gravity of the situation. This became the underpinning factor behind the exponential rise in cases and deaths, something which is seen today (April 2021). 

Although with the attitude that, “this too shall pass”, I am continually working upon myself, striving to create a better “ME” ceaselessly from what I was yesterday. I am glad that at least I initiated this process of self realization. As there are people out there who have lived their whole life without understanding the purpose of their coming in this world, I have deep condolence for such lives.

This reminds me of a pleasing song by Kishore Kumar ji :

“Aise Jeevan Bhi Hain Jo Jiye Hi Nahin

Jinko Jeene Se Pehle Hi Maut Aa Gayi

Phool Aise Bhi Hain Jo Khile Hi Nahin

Jinko Khilne Se Pehle Fiza Kha Gai…”

The only thing now that remains in my bucket list of life is to reach that steady state in life where I am able to get satisfied with whatever I have at that very point in time. Much like everyone, my soul yearns for salvation. 

From the always loving “Me” to “Me” 🙂